Knit Once, Purl Forever

Mayday May Day!

I'm having a little trouble concentrating today. Especially in regards to posting a blog entry tonight. I've started out a half dozen times on a half dozen different topics...I think I have the spring fever or something. Or maybe there are just too many distractions in my midsts with the lovely weather and all of the Must See television tonight: Survivor, Grey's Anatomy, and LOST are all on tonight.

That's way too much must see TV for a good blog entry, but I just wanted to say something quick about May Day. Until I moved to the Midwest in the early '90s, I had never really thought much about May Day and had never celebrated it. When the boys were little, they would bring home from daycare little May Day baskets filled with candy. We've never done anything to celebrate it at home though. And I've never seen a Maypole.

How about you? Is May Day something you celebrate?

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Thanks for the advice in the last entry. Right now I'm on the avoidance plan. I figure if I dodge 'em for a while, I don't have to make any difficult or rash decisions so I can figure this out in my mind. I'm a slow thinker like that...And it's always nice to hear feedback from others. Thanks! You guys rock!

A Little Advice Needed

If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you probably know that I'm pretty much a straight shooter. I call it like I see it. There aren't a lot of lines to read between when I'm involved. What you see is pretty much what you get.

Call it simple. Call it a simple upbringing from a simple and very small town. Whatever. I don't care. It is what it is.

When it's knitting related you know that I'm honest about my madd, crazy, and not always on the up and up skillz. I'm okay with my mistakes and knitting issues. In fact, I relish the fact that I make mistakes. That's how I freakin' learn...

My professional life is an entirely different thing. I do not so much relish the mistakes there. I strive to be and do the best that my abilities will allow and provide. And I am generally respected for that and I am well networked. To the other end of that, I'm a pretty tough cookie at work and I don't mess around with those who are less than competent. Recently; however, I have found that I have been met with a force with whom should be reckoned. Someone who likes to play the games and act like a fake @ss. Someone who reeks of incompetence and self-proclaimed superiority, but tries to act like your best friend.

Lately, I have been the targeted "best friend." And I'm not quite sure how to handle this as this person is one of the big cheeses. And this is totally outside of my "it is what it is" comfort zone. Any advice? Have any of you ever been in this situation?

Any advice you can offer is deeply appreciated. And then some!!!!

Self Hell

I've been beating myself up over a stupid decision I made a month ago. It's one of those things that is over and done with and can't be changed. It's not life-threatening and there shouldn't be any fallout from it, but it was stupid and I regret it.

It's made me realize that I must not have a lot of regrets as a rule, as I have really been obsessing about this and generally feeling bad. Even though I know that worrying about it won't change it. I know that I have a clear understanding of where I went wrong. I know that I will not repeat this mistake in the future. I know I just have to get over my feelings of stupidity and move on.

Thing is, that's really difficult for someone as introspective as I happen to be. It's hard to stop thinking and analyzing every little thing. It's so difficult that I actually swung by the Self Hell isle recently for some therapy in the form of a book. And I think it has helped.

According to my self hell book, the answer to my habit of worrying is to find distractions. I'm thinking I need a beautiful distraction in the form of a new and challenging project. So, what to knit???

Other Obsessions

Since I'm sharing my obsessions, I thought I would mention a few of the non-knitting related ones.

The Germs
I'm definitely a bit obsessive about the germs. My oldest son describes me as a "germaphobe", but I don't think I'm THAT bad. I think my desire for cleanliness is perfectly normal. I think my hesitation to eat other people's food, unless I really KNOW the person and know that their kitchen is clean, is perfectly normal too; however, that is precisely why the OS thinks I'm a "germaphobe".

The Horrible Thoughts
I don't have a lot of horrible thoughts; however, I do spend a lot of time worrying about the little things. I mostly worry about things that are out of my control. I know that it doesn't make sense to worry about those things for that EXACT reason, but I still do.

The Guilt
I sometimes obsess over guilty feelings that do not always make sense.

For example, I've been feeling guilty about the blog. I don't know if you've noticed this, but I've been posting blog entries more frequently. Or so it would seem. Actually, I just finally identified that I'm only able, or maybe it's that I'm only willing, to write on certain days of the week. Sunday is a good day for me to write. So, last week I decided to start taking advantage of Typepad's delayed publishing feature. I can write now and post later. And that's just what I did last week, and what I'm doing this week too.

Thing is, I've felt kind of bad about it. I have a post up every day, but it kind of feels a little like I'm cheating. I know that it's not cheating, since I own all of the words in every entry on this blog. And I know that a lot of other bloggers make use of this feature, but I still feel a little funny about it.

Is it just me? What are your obsessions? Feel free to obsess away in the comments.

Falling in Public

I finally finished knitting all the squares for the latest addition of the Mystery Baby Blanket. I've been knitting these squares all summer long. It has been the summer of squares for me. Square knitting is the only kind of knitting that has been going on. While I didn't have any help with the knitting of the squares when I so obviously could have used some, you can see that I had lots of help laying them out. This is just a teaser about the knitting as I have something else planned for my entry today. Tune in soon for more knitting content.

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While hopping from club to club recently, one of my friends lost her footing and  balance and took a bit of a nose dive onto the grassy area right next to the street, her head narrowly missing the curb. It was one of those funny, slow motion, everyone sees it, but no one can prevent it from happening kind of falls. And while we were far from intoxicated, we had been drinking a little and were slightly buzzed.

Now, when I fall in public it probably appears that my ass and legs are made of rubber or a spring as I usually bounce right back up as quickly as I fall. On my way back up, I dust myself off and look around to see who noticed my horrific fall. Once I've fully righted myself on the surface from which I fell then, and only then, do I check to see if I am injured.

So when my friend proceeded to lie on the grass while laughing her head off the entire time, I went into spring legged spaz mode grabbing her arm and attempting to lift her back up. The third friend, upon witnessing these events doubled over with laughter and began proclaiming that she was going to wet her pants, which did not help the situation.

Our friend continued to lie on the ground, giving in to fits of giggles until the friendly authorities happened by. They helped her up and checked to see that she was not injured and that we were not intoxicated. Everything was fine and we were getting ready to continue on our way when one of the officers broke into a stern speech about how my friend was making a fool of herself, yadda yadda yadda. I guess he wanted to make sure that we were aware of the seriousness of the "incident" and that we were fully aware that he had the power to slap us with public intox if he so chose.

I just thought he was being unnecessarily nasty to my friend without due cause and I expressed my feelings as such to him. His stern speech did not seem to be constructive criticism. It was an accident after all. Everyone falls at some time and in some manner. It's not a big deal, you just get back up and move on. Can any of us say with certainty that we will NEVER fall down again? I don't think so. And I don't care how many stern speeches he wanted to give my friend; I know with certainty that I WILL fall many more times as long as I continue to live.

The friend who fell, quickly grabbed my arm to silence me and told the officer that she understood where he was coming from and all was well. We went on our way and now we have another funny story for our "remember when..." time, but the incident has stuck with me a little because I think I kind of fell down a little with my last entry here on this blog.

I fell down in that I failed to mention that those incidents had occurred  here and there around the blogosphere during the course of the last six months or so. They didn't happen all at once in one place and time.

I also fell down with my focus of the piece. The focus is not that the incidents happened it's more how those types of things affect me and my inability to dismiss some of the things I read. Sometimes it's like those things get trapped inside my mind, formed into my own opinion of the incidents, and woven into my life experiences when maybe they really shouldn't. Those are not my experiences, but rather the opinions and experiences of others.

That's the thing. The incidents I summarized in the last entry happened all over the place on mainstream blogs over the span of the last six months. I'm sure many of you really did read these entries and really do read these blogs, but maybe the negativity doesn't have the same affect as it has on me. The negativity really gets me down. I haven't figured out how to not let it bother me when it happens, but I think recognizing that it's a problem for me is probably the first step in the right direction.

Now I just need to learn how to get up and move on the next time I read something that gets me down.

Happy Knitting Land

That's how someone found my blog.  Well, actually they Googled "knit forever in happy knitting land" and found my blog. I cannot tell you how much this amuses me. I cannot tell you how much it pleases me that the Knit Once blog was the first blog returned by that search.  Too funny.

And not necessarily true.

The knitting has definitely been happy here at Knit Once this week. I've managed to finish two projects this week (updates and photos coming soon). It's the happy in parts other than knitting land that I'm caught up on.

I've watched The Pursuit of Happyness several times lately. We have it via Netflix and I haven't wanted to return it. The message in certain movies speaks to me for whatever reason and this is definitely one of those thought provoking movies for me.

I think I confuse being busy with being happy sometimes. I've been very happy for the last six months or so as I've been extremely busy between work projects, home projects, and graduation induced projects. I think I'm happy when I'm busy. Now that all the dust has settled with the completion of the aforementioned projects, I wonder if I'm really all that happy or if I'm just too busy to notice that I'm not really happy at all.  Because really, this being happy thing is kind hard to pin down. What makes one person happy may not do it for someone else.

Just what does happy mean? Is there really a happy knitting land?

These are just some of the questions I ponder, but I should mention that a lot of this pondering is probably brought about by the fact that the boys are out of state with The Ex for part of the summer. I always get a little blue when they first leave. Usually I get past it by getting busy with other things that serve as a distraction to my missing them, which brings me back to the question at hand: does being busy equal being happy? Is it the same thing? Is it?  And is there a happy knitting land?

If so, I definitely want to go there.

Waiting To Be Rescued?

That's what the guy behind the counter at QT asked me last night after I locked my keys in my car while paying at the pump. (This was after the nice guy at the back of the store let me use their phone for my "one phone call" and I was waiting for The Hubby to bring my spare key.)

"Are you waiting to be rescued?"

I stared into the reflection of the clean glass doors, looking for the person to whom he was speaking because it honestly didn't occur to me that he was talking to me. Of course, I realized that I was the person he was addressing once I saw that there wasn't anyone else reflected in the glass. For the moment, there wasn't anyone else in the store at all.

I finally responded that I was waiting for The Hubby to bring the spare key, but my initial reaction to the idea of having to be rescued was surprising to me: I was in total and complete denial even though I was in fact locked out of my car, the credit card I held in my hand my only worldly possession. And when I realized that I was indeed in need of rescuing, the very thought repulsed me. I guess deep down I don't consider myself someone who requires rescuing at any time. I pride myself as being a pretty tough cookie. I'm self sufficient, resourceful, and all that jazz.

Of course, even the most resourceful of us need to be rescued sometimes.

And to totally change the subject now that I've blathered on about all that, guess who's off work for the rest of the week? Guess who gets to knit to her heart's content or until her hands fall off, whichever comes first? Just guess! =)

No Knitting Content

I don't have any knitting to show. I'm still working on the Candy Cane stocking, but it's at that "not so exciting" stage. That's the story of my life: not so exciting. Things are not bad, mind you, it's just that there's nothing real interesting to report. It's pretty much business and life as usual with the emphasis on extra hours at the office. Guess that explains why there's not been enough progress on the latest stocking to warrant a picture.

Besides knit projects and work, my focus has been on the weight loss issue. I've had quite a bit of success lately and I am now more than half-way towards meeting my goal. I feel good and I've received a lot of comments from my friends and co-workers. That brings me to something I find amusing about the whole weight loss thing.

As I climb down the ladder approaching my goal weight, it has occurred to me that the jubilant, celebratory feeling I'm experiencing on this side of the weight ladder wasn't present when I was on my climb up the other side of the ladder. But I would have weighed exactly what I weight now, I was just on the upward swing back then. Maybe this isn't so strange, but I noticed that my present weight feels okay now that I'm confident that I'm moving in the right direction. I'm sure I wasn't so comfortable in my own skin on the other side of the climb up the ladder of weight.

It's funny how everything is relative.

Smacked Upside the Head By the Enemy

So, I'm browsing one of my shelves of knitting books in search of the Last Minute Knitted Gifts book when this book, Your Own Worst Enemy: Breaking the Habit of Adult Underachievement,  fell from one of the top shelves and hit me smack on the head. I'm not exactly sure why the book decided to make its leap from the shelf, but I have my theories. Serendipity. Fate. Divine intervention. Whatever the case, I'm taking it as a message from above (no pun intended).

Several years ago, I purchased the book to fulfill the so many books for free book-club membership deal. Back then the book called out to me because of the snappy title and the ransom note lettering on the book's cover, and I suspected that I had become a bit of an adult underachiever. I'm sure the fact that the book's author is a PH.D. is part of the reason I never read the entire book as most writings by PH.D.s put me to sleep before I can get to the "D" that goes with their PH.

That is not the case with this book. It is well written and entertaining. The book also includes real life examples and case studies. As I read this book and thought about my life and those areas I would like to improve, I found myself realizing that I will need to realign my priorities, which will likely cut into my knitting time.  I will still knit and blog as much as I can, of course, but my life can't be all about the knitting all of the time. It just can't.

It might take a smack upside the head to wake me up, but I'm awake now.

Real or Memorex?

Ever have one of those rare days where everything goes right? Your hair does everything you want it to do. You're happy with your skin and makeup. And the new dress you got for that special occasion looks great--it's slimming and flattering--it's exactly what you had in mind. The day is absolutely perfect--sunny and warm. And the people in your life are sunny and warm too.

It turns out to be a great day all around and you know it will always stand out in your memories.

Then you get your photos back from the drug store (you were out of batteries for the digital cam so you had to grab one of those handy disposable thingys) and the replay of all your happy, pleasant memories comes to a screeching halt.

Holy cow! You're (I'm) as a big as a house!

As you browse through the photos you feel as though you're looking at photos of a fun-house reflection. Did you really look like this that day? That's not at all how you had thought you looked. The drug store must be in on some cruel joke geared toward crushing your spirit. Someone has your real photos and you have some imposter's photos. It's identity theft straight out of those Citibank commercials, that's what it is.

Of course, once you run through all the conspiracy theories, you have to face the music.

It might be real or it might be Memorex, but at least something good can come from your pain: There's nothing better than a fun-house mirror photo to motivate you into sticking with your fitness goals.