I firmly believe that the secret and true lesson in life is knowing when enough is enough. Knowing how far to push yourself, your issue, or your project and knowing when to stop is key. I think this holds true across the board in my life, but it is especially true during conflict.
At the parent/team meeting for my son’s new soccer team, one of the mothers had issues with the coach’s stance about attendance to practices. He stated the intention of making the children that are more than a minute late to practice run extra laps. She very eloquently pointed out that her job requires her to work late frequently and she does not get out of work the same time every day. She stated that her son might be late because of her job, which is something that neither of them can control. She then made the case that it is not appropriate for her son to be penalized for her work schedule and she informed the coach that her son would not be running extra laps.
I’m sure she said what every working parent was thinking. How many of us have jobs where the work magically ends simply because it is 5:00 p.m.? I certainly do not. And our job may not be our only issue as our commute home and schedules concerning other family members or errands may factor in. I was ready to chime in with her and I’m sure several parents would have joined in as well, when she took it one step further. And, in my opinion, one step too far.
She then declared that the other and most crucial reason her son could not run laps is because he is asthmatic. Her son, who was standing right next to her, looked at her incredulously and loudly proclaimed, “I do not have asthma!” She looked rather sheepish and lamely restated that he would not run laps.
Now, I think a ten year old would know if he had a health problem as serious as asthma. Also, children with life-threatening bouts of asthmatic breathing do not generally sign up for soccer in the first place. Soccer is a rough and active sport. During the course of a game, the children run more laps than one can count.
I think it was a perfect example of stating one’s case and then going too far. She had already made her case before she went too far with the asthma story. Had her son truly suffered from asthma, that would have made her case in and of itself. There would have been no reason to mention her work schedule.
During team or cross-department meetings, I stand up for what I believe in and I will push back if I feel that other team members are missing the point, but once I make my case I stop talking and remain silent. It nearly kills me, mind you. It’s not easy to stop when I’m on a roll, but I find that if my point is valid and I communicated my case well, my team members usually agree and incorporate it into the project. I trust them to make the right decision. And knowing when to stop is especially important when making your case to a boss or senior member of management.
Sometimes knowing when to stop is not a fun decision to make such as stopping after one double-chocolate, frosted brownie or stopping after one rambling blog entry, but just as important.
Yeah, I think knowing when to stop is key.
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