The Lesson Learned

Early Up

I can’t sleep. I can; however, think too much about things that I can control too little. I tried not to think. I really tried to silence all thoughts from the internal soundtrack of my mind to no avail. So, I finally gave in to the thoughts and reached for Lucy, my trusty laptop. If I’m going to be awake, I may as well do something… useful meaningful constructive I may as well write something on my blog.

I can’t really explain my sudden insomnia. As a rule, I’m usually a sound sleeper. The exception to that rule is when there are problems kicking around my mind. But that’s just it, the thoughts on my mind tonight are not really all that important—the problems not all that critical. I’ve definitely pondered worse thoughts or problems.

I can’t sleep when I’m pondering anything whether it’s critical or not. I need total silence in order to fall asleep. And while the house is quiet, except for the sound of crickets chirping, the occasional car driving by, and the central air kicking on now and then to cool the house, my mind won’t shut up.

I found myself thinking about a meeting that occurred on Friday. I started analyzing one of the issues and I actually made a mental list supporting my stance on said issue. The thing is that the issue is not important. It wasn’t the main focus of the meeting and I dismissed it at the time. But now it’s keeping me awake. WTF?

I was also thinking about our plans for today. On the last Sunday before Labor Day (for the US), the entire family gets together and heads off to the local amusement park for one last day of fun. We go early and stay late. It’s a tradition of sorts and one that I find myself enjoying less and less with each passing year. I find that my ride-tolerance has significantly decreased during the last couple of years. I can’t handle the roughness of the roller coasters or the dizziness of some of the spinning rides. And, of course, the boys drag me onto these rides without a second thought.

But I think my real apprehension over this little tradition is the addition of my newfound dietary needs. A diet is not something that mixes well with amusement park food. I’m also concerned about my allergies this year. They’ve been so bad this summer. Or maybe I’m just looking for excuses to stay home. In any event, I don’t think it’s going to work. I don’t think the hubby will let me mess with tradition.

I guess I better try to get a little more sleep before they drag me off for a day of pure hell fun. I’m going to need all the energy I can muster.

Randomness

I’m sorry I haven’t posted much this week. It’s not a reflection of my thoughts or lack thereof, because I’ve actually had many thoughts. Some are completely random and some have been almost blog-worthy. I just haven’t taken the time to wrap my brain around my ideas long enough to find the appropriate words to express them.

Warning: The randomness that defines this entry is going in the extended entry. Enter at your own risk!

Issues

I'm home due to a wardrobe malfunction. Nothing like Janet Jackson's--a broken zipper, but no reveal--thank goodness! Blogging has been on my mind a lot lately, so I will be back later with a real entry.

Clean Slate

It’s soccer season again. The Youngest Son (YS) is back in the game and on a team with the same coach we had in the spring. Now, you may recall that I wasn’t pleased when the coach punished the YS for our late arrival to a practice when it wasn’t the YS’s fault that we were late. To quickly rehash, I had to work late that day and then we were stuck in traffic on the way to the field. And I jumped to the YS’s defense when the coach punished him because the YS had been ready for hours and was even waiting on the front steps when I arrived to get him that evening—his chin resting in his hand, his elbow resting on his soccer ball.

How can you punish such a cute kid? Or allow someone else to punish him? I couldn’t stand for it and I didn’t.

Now, had the reason for punishment been something that the YS had done or had control over, such as goofing around or acting up during practice, I would stand behind the coach. And though, I wasn’t initially thrilled that we were back on this guy’s team, I decided that I would make the best of it and start fresh with a clean slate.

We’ve had one practice (missed the first, but made it to the second practice) and there’s already been a confrontation of sorts involving me quietly knitting in my truck and the coach’s girlfriend shouting rules at me through the window. She was actually shouting, and spitting while she spoke. I didn’t respond, as I was too stunned to do anything more than protect my knitting project from her saliva. And yeah, you can believe that I was thinking, “Say it, don’t spray it!”

The rules include a no goofing around policy, which I’m perfectly fine with, and a no confronting the coach on the field rule, which I’m not so sure that I can comply with. Not that I’m looking for confrontation, mind you—I just don’t know if I can allow the YS to be treated unfairly in my presence. Now, I’m not sure if the other parents were privy to such treatment, but I decided that it doesn’t matter.

She’s not the coach, so I’m going to dismiss the incident as though it didn’t happen. I’m bound and determined to have a clean slate this year.

Happy Time

Friendship makes everyone happy and I'm no exception. Tonight, I enjoyed a two-hour phone conversation with a good friend. Now, there was a time when that would've been the norm, but that was long ago. We're both married with children now and time is scarce for long phone conversations. And while we don't expect this to become a habit, we both swore that we will make it a priority to keep in touch more often in spite of time limitations and family committments.

The Dream

"I'm really sorry to see you go," he said. He paused for a minute, and with a grim smile on his face added, "You are living the dream, you know."

To which I responded, "If it's the dream, why does it feel like a nightmare?"

This conversation took place nearly two years ago, almost to the day. I had just notified my Ex-Boss that I would be moving on to greener pastures. We had a great boss-employee relationship and I could be frank with him. And I was kidding, kind of.

But, as with most things I joke about, there was a little truth in my statement. And at the time I thought I was heading into the field of my dreams. No pun intended. I really thought I was making a wise career move. I would be doing what I had always dreamed.

And for a while, the new job was everything I thought it would be. For a while, I was living my dreams--to a point. But on some level, I've always known that something was missing. As time goes on, that has become more and more apparent.

Lately, I've been longing to break out on my own. To be my own boss. To take a chance. To make it on my own. And it occurred to me that my earlier dreams always involved self-employment. In my dreams, I worked in my current career field but I worked for myself.

I recently allowed myself to revert to my old day-dreaming ways. I've been escaping reality for a few minutes each day and imagining how it could be. I imagine how I could make the dream reality. Then I spend a few minutes brainstorming ways the dream can become more than just a dream.

I don’t know how this will end. But it sure feels great to imagine the possibilities.

The possibility is the dream, you know.

Happy Hour: Having a dream and truly believing it can come true makes me happy.

All the Time

Speaking of risky—I have one more thing to share about my LASIK consultation experience in spite of the danger of becoming the All LASIK, All the Time Blog. I swear this is the last you’ll hear about LASIK for a while.

I just can't help sharing this last tidbit…

I'm sitting in the patient's chair, you know, the one next to the eye checking apparatus. The technician is having me do the old-fashioned eye test where you "read" the eye chart. I say "read" in quotes because, without corrective lenses, I couldn't read any of the letters, not even the giant "E." Sure, I knew it was a big "E" because it's always the big "E." Had they decided to switch it up and displayed a big "Z" or a big "G" it would have all been the same to me.

The technician then briefly summarized the LASIK procedure and asked me what I knew about it. I piped up with the little tidbit of information that I had recently watched Jessica Simpson and her friend have the procedure on her reality show. And just so you know, lest you ever have a similar experience, that little tidbit was best kept to self. The technician went nuts. She then proceeded to analyze several aspects of that episode and the procedure it depicted. And it became apparent that, in this technician's opinion at least, what was shown on TV in terms of after-surgery care is not how it is done in the real world. She was quite passionate about it and threw out the term "lawsuit in the makings" along with her analysis of the black blinders and luncheon that took place after the surgery.

The funny thing about all this is that, while I had seen that episode several times, I only zoned in on the actual surgery. And seeing the surgery take place helped to dismiss some of my early concerns. I also dismissed the other goings on in that episode as typical Jessica antics.

So seeing the show was probably a good thing for me even though the technician didn't seem to agree.

Risky Business

I’ve decided that I will schedule the LASIK surgery for the beginning of the new year. The surgeon was never my real concern as he is highly recommended and well known in our area. I think I was just overwhelmed by the consultation because it was different that I had expected.

I didn’t expect the surgeon and technicians to act as salespeople. But what did I know? I’ve never before scheduled an unnecessary or cosmetic medical treatment. And while I feel as though the treatment is necessary in light of all the problems I’ve had with my eyes and allergies, I know that it is a luxury. In fact, I consider it a bit of a miracle. And it is apparent that there is much competition locally in the LASIK field.

Sure, there are risks involved, but I think the benefits outweigh the risks. I think it’s worth taking a chance. I certainly hope so anyway!

Happy Hour: Sweet, furry kitty cats make me happy. I love the little purring machines.

I'm Happy Because...

The oldest son is home. Happy dance. Dance of joy. Happy dance. Dance of joy. Happy dance. Dance of joy. Happy dance. Dance of joy. Happy dance.....

I think you get the point.

Thumbs Up

The eye doctor gave me the thumbs up for LASIK surgery. I will need to stop wearing my contacts for a month prior to the procedure in order for my corneas to return to their correct shape.

All in all, it was a rather strange experience. A technician screened me before I saw the surgeon. She examined my eyes and administered eye drops to me with only the mention that the drops would not dilate my eyes. The drops stung a little, but it wasn’t too bad. Then she had me stare at a red light while she examined my eyes with a strange little contraption that she held up to my eyes.

She then examined my eyes again when I noticed that they felt strange. I commented on the strange feeling and she explained that she had numbed my eyes so that she could touch them with that strange contraption.

That kind of freaked me out and after that I was on my toes for any weirdness. I guess I'm the kind of person who likes to know what to expect before it happens. And I felt as though I had been tricked or bamboozled.

She then showed me to the doctor's office where she left me with a thick pamphlet to read. By now, my eyes were back to normal as the effect of the eye drops wore off within 15 minutes. And as I perused the pamphlet I realized that it was marketing material. I'm just not sure if the material was an attempt to convince me to schedule the procedure or an attempt to ensure me that I was making the right decision.

It was odd. I didn't know what to think. The marketing material made me begin to doubt my decision to inquire about the procedure. I mean if it was such a great idea, why would they feel the need to talk me into it? Wouldn't the procedure sell itself?

I think I was more sold on the idea before the appointment. However, I don't need to worry about it right now. If, and I do mean if, I decide to go through with the procedure I will schedule it for after the first of the year.

Oh, and I did meet the surgeon. He seemed nice enough and he examined my eyes and determined that I would be a good candidate. Then he started up with more of the marketing speak and all I could hear was Charlie Brown’s teacher.

Wahhh-wa-wahhhh-wa-wa-wahhhhhh.

I don't know what I will do. I have until October to make up my mind in order to fit into the spring schedule. But I will take as much time as needed before I give it my thumbs up.